Liquid Rock

two doggies

2005-02-15T09:00:00.000-08:00

London

I have been to London many times. The longest I stayed there was two weeks in a flat down the Edgeware road. That was way back in 1983. I have visited London briefly a couple of times in the last five years, but the last time I was properly there was in the summer of 2000. Quite some time ago. Since then the skyline has changed quite a bit. There's this great new modern building called The Gherkin. I haven't seen it, only in pics and on the telly. I'd love to see it with my own eyes. I'd love to have a proper London visit again. I have seen the London Eye only from the train a couple of times. I'd love to see it up close.
I'd love to walk around again, leasurely, taking pics. Last time during my proper visit the Globe Theatre had just been finished and the Wobbely Brige was closed coz it was too wobbely. I'd love to take a look inside the Globe Theatre and walk across the not so wobbely bridge.
I'd love to sit in the tube and look at all the people, standing, sitting, reading, sleeping. I'd love to go to Embankment tube station, coz it's my favourite. I'd love to stand on the one side and look out over the Thames. I'd love to stand on the other side and look down the narrow street filled with Café's. I want to be kissed in Embankment tube station.

I'd love to go to the British Museum again, spend an afternoon there looking at all the treasures. I'd love to have lunch in the cellar of St Martin in the Fields. I just wanna walk around, go with the flow.
I have many photos of London that I took over the years but none of them are digital. My real visits were all in the pre-digital era. I need a visual, physical update of the city. I wish I could. We have this saying: "I wish I was two doggies, so we could play together."

man on fire

2005-02-12T13:22:00.000-08:00

Fucking hell!!
It's been quite a while that I've seen a wonderful film.
Man on Fire... fucking hell what a wonderful film!!

Directed by Tony Scott, Ridley's younger brother, so succes guaranteed.
I'm totally blown away.
Woman on Fire, so to speak.
I was very much reminded of Revenge also a Tony Scott film - of way back when - late eighties with Kevin Costner, Madeleine Stowe and Anthony Quinn. Scott is a master of tough, cruel, hard movies with lots of action and shooting and killing. Normally I am not a big fan of that genre, but Scott always manages to make these type of films 'human'.
Denzell Washington deserves another Oscar for his part. And the little girl... Dakota Fanning... I have been a fan of hers since the Sci-Fi series Taken. She's a star.

In my book a great great film. The first half is kinda normal, mainstream thriller. The second half is visually stunning, almost like a 2 hour video. A feast for the ear and the eye. Man I love Tony Scott!! He is not just a director but a visual wizzard, a master.
Definitely a must see.

life...

2005-02-07T18:37:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it feels that you're totally stuck, and then all of a suddden you can feel that time has passed. Since the beginning of this month I feel that time has passed. This is mainly because I can see and feel spring coming closer. Since a couple of days the sun is shining into my apartment again, from above the rooftops of my neigbours opposite.
That is really nice.

Last year was easier though coz I had been away on holiday to South America and all the January glumness passed me by. Last January I was standing on the airport of Atlanta, Georgia (in a bookshop) looking at the Da Vinci Code wondering whether to buy it or not. I didn't. It took me more than a year to start reading it, but now I have I am glad I didn't buy it. It was okay but not mind blowing.

Last Febuary I was happy again to meet up with the man I love, especially since it didn't look like we were going to meet. This year it really doesn't look like we're going to meet. Either never again or not a for a long, long time. One year and then another and another. Time passing. Things change, whether you want to or not, whether you notice it or not.
Last January I was reading Fingersmith by Sara Waters. And now I am reading another book by her; Affinity. Now it feels that time has passed. Winter is ending and spring is beginning. But other than that I don't know where I am going. I was listening (not watching) Dr Phil and I heard him say to a couple that by always fighting they were keeping their child hostage. Now that was something I could relate to. As a child I felt held hostage by my parents. By they constant fighting, by their inability to get on. I definitely didn't suffer from the Stockholm Syndrome. Now I am living my own life. But I don't know where I am going.

street life

2005-02-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

Today I went out shopping in the highstreet around the corner. Took my camera along and shot some streetlife scenes. Nothing very spectacular, but I think it just goes to show that you don't always need stunning landscapes or portraits to make something interesting. Of course knowing some photoshop helps.

I am using flikr.com now for my pics, as so many other ex-fotolog users. Uploading has become a nightmare on fotolog and this flickr site has all sorts of smart thingies. You choose a pic and write a post around it and it will be sent to your blog and BANG you've got a new post. Very nifty.

Wanna have a look?

holocaust

2005-01-27T23:20:00.000-08:00

I am not a child of the holocaust but I definitely am a child of the Second World War. I have been watching programes about the holocaust and Auschwitz for the past couple of days. It's all so sad. And what's more sad is that nowadays people still are killing each other all over the globe.

The first time I went to Auschwitz I was around 12 years old. It was in the mid seventies. It was grim day. Cloudy, misty, wet. The experience was very overpowering. It's hard to believe that people were able to massacre other people on such a big, horrible, methodic scale. But only when you see the piles of hair, piles of suitcases and piles of shoes that you somehow get a real feel of the tragedy. I remeber seeing a little ballet slipper close to the glass amidst the adult men's and women's shoes. And somewhere towards the back was an orthopedic shoe with braces attached to it.

The second time I went to Auschwitz I was around 22. It was a sunny, summer day, but the impact was just the same. I just walked around in a daze, tears streaming down my face. In the other camp - Birkenau there's still a building that contains the ovens. Horrible.

So it was not a good for me today. And on top of that my mother - who had been in hospital again about a fortnight ago - called me to tell me the results of the tests they did on her. The test results say that there might be cancer cells in her bowels. So now she has to have more test done. I am upset...
Not a good day today.

art class

2005-01-18T18:28:00.000-08:00

Tuesdays is art class day. Today was great coz I finally dared to make big movements while drawing with charcoal. We were doing a Greek torso. Great! One step forward in the process.

The teacher is a typical artist, scatterbrain. But he teaches drawing to the first year students at the number one, most renowned Art Academy in the country, so I better stick with it. I am sure he can teach me a lot.

Some more pics.

the da vinci code

2005-01-16T13:36:00.000-08:00

Finally I have started reading this book. So much has been written about it (on the internet) that I find it hard to think about anything that will be more than a 2 cent's worth. Generally speaking I am not too fond of thrillers. Mainly because the emphasis is on the plot and not on the charachters and their emotional developement. I do however love reading John Grisham, coz his style is good enough and the plots are very interesting. The Da Vinci Code is very much like a Grisham thriller. The plot is fab and overwhelming so you don't mind the characters being rather flat.
I read the first 207 pages in one go. Couldn't put it down. The second half is getting a bit boring. I am trying to finish it now, but am struggeling a bit.

It's all about how the Catholic church has gained control, hyjacked Jesus and the whole shebang to get and keep power. Eversince I was a child I felt a keen distrust and dislike for the church. My mother is a Chatholic and my father was an atheist. The worst of both world. My mother took me along to church when I was a child, but sitting there on those hard wooden benches I looked around and intuitively felt that something was wrong. The man up front in his robes, the people listening to his boring voice which had a mock reverence. I was about ten but I didn't buy it. It felt outdated, old fashioned, fake and very male dominated. So I said to my mother that I didn't want to go anymore. My dad was pleased.
I do however believe in the Divine Spirit. I think that we all have the Divine Spirit inside ourselves, in our soul. I have become a deeply spiritual person. And I do not like any organized religion, coz they operate on the premise that they are the connection between you and God. Well excuse me, but I have my own connection with God. I don't need any interference, thank you. Especially from moldy, old men in robes who think themselves to be wise and experienced. Neither do I believe that going to confession, saying a few Hail Maries and donating a lot of money to the church will get me into heaven. I do not want to participate in this fight for power.
When I was older I got to know more. I found out about the Dead Sea Scrolls. I recognized that this weird feeling of 'oldness' that I have is something called reincarnation. I read about the Cathars. About Paganism, about Mother Earth and the Sacred Feminine, about fertility rites and about Sacred Sexual rituals. The picture got far bigger for me and I picked bits of this and that and molded it into an acceptible 'belief' for myself.

The Da Vinci Code is about all these things which I have discovered myself. Some bits are interesting, they explain details to the reader. Other bits are clearly written for people who have been believers and have not delved into anything else than mainstream religions.
Dan Brown uses the paintings of Da Vinci very cleverly to explain all the theories - and there sure as hell as a lot of them. The only question I have at the moment is: are the paitings by Da Vinci really riddled with secret codes.

I have found many sites on the internet that go over the theories in detail and prove most of them wrong. But they written by Catholics /Chritians.

Some interesting sites below.

I find the first one the most interesting as it delves more into sources than trying to disprove Brown's theories.

http://altreligion.about.com/library/bl_davincicode.htm

http://www.christianitytoday.com/history/newsletter/2003/nov7.html
http://www.catholic.com/library/cracking_da_vinci_code.asp
http://www.catholiceducation.org/articles/persecution/pch0058.html
http://www.leaderu.com/focus/davincicode.html

currently reading...

2005-01-10T10:47:00.000-08:00

I haven't been reading a lot lately. My mind was pre-occupied with other things. But now I am reading a very good book. Elizabeth Garner's Nightdancing. It seems to be a light read, but underneath it's brimming with tension and keeps you turning the pages.

A young English couple meet at a university up north and fall in love. The girl is from the country side, the guy is from North London. After graduating they move to london, where the guy feels really at home, but the girl feels lost in the busy streets. So they move to Wimbledon common where the guy buys a house from his father's inheritence. They seem to be the prefect couple with a wonderful relationship. But things are not what they seem.
The story is told from the man's perspective and the reader gets taken by the hand into a world where all sorts of menacing monsters and skeletons seems to be lurking in the background waiting to jump out of the shadows.

The sory picks up momentum when two forty-something straight friends move in next door. They are only in their house during the summer and have enough money to live life of leasure. The couple gets sucked into a life of summer nights filled with drinking and smoking and having fun on the roof patio. It seems a perfect hedonistic summer, but the guy has nightmares and stuff is starting to change when he sees mysterious bruises and scars on his girlfriends body.

I am still halfway, haven't finished it yet, but I haven't read a page-turning book for a long time.

And today I went to the library to pick up Dan Brown's The Davinci Code. I made a reservation for it about 2 months ago. It's just damn popular so I had to wait a long time. I am all excited about this book, and curious if I'll find it as wonderful as everybody keeps telling me. First I have to finish Nightdancing.
Click image to read more on Amazon.

the meaning of life...

2005-01-07T09:29:00.000-08:00

Life is so damn unpredictable and so often a mystery. What is the meaning of life? Today I had to think about it again because of this tragic event;

There's this guy called Hans Wiegel. He was a liberal right-wing politician, member of parliament in the seventies and eighties. He was married and had two kids. Then one day - about 20 years ago - his wife died in a car crash. Very tragic. He was devastated and did not continue to be active in politics. After a while he married his late wife's sister. We thought it a bit odd, but apparently they loved each other and it must have been a good thing for the children.

Now guess what what happened last night?

I turned on the news this morning and heard that last night his second wife died in a car crash. Pfew, that is so mega over your head. Not only did she die, but also from a car crash. Poor man. I never really liked him a lot, but I don't wish this fate on anyone.
The big question remains; why do these things happen to people? I tend to think it must be bad karma. He must have done something in a past life to deserve this.
Or maybe it's just bad luck and all that happens is meaningless like I wrote earlier.

pussycat blues

2005-01-03T22:40:00.000-08:00

I wish I was a pussycat. I wish I lived in somebody's home with a pussycat friend. Then I could climb into an avocado box under the radiator. And my pussycat friend would climb in with me, and we would be huddled, cuddled together having a long pussycat nap.
Instead I am a human who goes through an everyday ordeal of being depressed in the mornings, feeling better in the afternoons, and feeling great at night. But then the next day there's the depression again. Every single day I need to build myself up to a level where I can go out shopping, or doing a laundry load. Today was a killer. I felt bad. Like I have been since I was six. The only light that shone on me was the relief that at least I wasn't a child anymore. That I wasn't living with my parents anymore. At least I am now free to be depressed in my own home, on my own. At least I don't have to listen to them fighting and disrespecting each other.
So I wish I was a pussycat, with pussycat feet, a pussycat belly and a pussycat brain. Sigh...

thoughts

2005-01-02T08:25:00.000-08:00

Liquid Rock

She wishes for the cloths of heaven as the old year has passed and the new begun. Wonder how this year will be, what it will be like. She didn't think 2004 was all that bad. It was better than 2003 and 2002.. now that was a horrible, horrible year. Filled with tears and sadness and hopelessness.
This time last year she was in a warm country on the other side of the planet. But it's expensive to go there. It cannot be done every year. Not if you don't have a proper job. So now she's struggeling along to live through this winter in resonable sanity. Winter sucks, she says. Winter is yuck, she says. Sometimes a whole week goes by without any sunlight.

She wishes for the cloths of heaven, but she doesn't really know what that means. What are the cloths of heaven? She just likes this poem by Yeats. What she wishes for is to be energetic, to be happy, to be able to live up to her potential. To not be judged and pushed around. And to never be attacked by a Tsunami. It's a beautiful word, but the thing itself is a killer. On the telly she saw this one woman who gave birth to her baby boy right after she fled to safely from the crashing waves. And she called her child Tsunami. Wonderful gesture. He will grow up to be a special, powerful person. What's in a name....
She has always been obsessed by names. She thinks names are very significant. But maybe they are not. Some people have names that destin them for fame. But maybe that's just coincidence...
Maybe it's all coincidence and nothing really means anything ever...

Ho ho ho

2004-12-23T06:42:00.000-08:00

A new blog just before Christmas.
The shortest day of the year has passed. thank god.